So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
