i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
