your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
