"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
