It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Randomize
