found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
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It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
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We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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