I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
