My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
