I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
