So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
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The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
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I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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