Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
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