I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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