Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
