just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
