I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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