Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
