its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
