all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
