so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize