I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Randomize
