i permit you to call me
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
