Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
