I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
