I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Randomize
