When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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