All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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