Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
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