New invention idea: vibrating tampons
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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