he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
