I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
