he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
