Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Be still, my beating vagina.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
