there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
