"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
