she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
She bit a glass in half.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
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it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
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YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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