hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
