We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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