i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
