He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
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the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
is that a dick in a sweater?
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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