Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
