Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
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