I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
