I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
