You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
