Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Randomize
