When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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