happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
