please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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