He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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