I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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