my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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