Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
as a side note pls kill me
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
