i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
