apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Randomize
