Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
