Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Randomize
