This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
