Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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