I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
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I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
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So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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