I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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