i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
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