I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
