Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
