Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
It's rum buckets o'clock
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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