Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
