I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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