Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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