Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I need to stop coming to work sober
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Hippo gnu deer
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize