ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
