Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
