I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize
