Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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