yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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