i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
don't judge my taste in strippers
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Randomize
