my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
