My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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