you guys were way drunker than both of me
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
