I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
