I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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