you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
