im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
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