Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
