New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
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