Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Randomize
