I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
