are you still at the devil's house?
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
